Longing
by Kajune
Summary: [Izaya x Mikage] She has never stopped loving him, persistently wants to be next to him, even if nothing can come out of it. WARNING: Durarara!x2 Ten Spoilers.


**Title** : Longing

 **Disclaimer** : I do not own any of the Characters of Durarara!.

 **Genre** : Hurt / Comfort / Romance

 **Warning** : Contains maleXmale content. OOCness. Durarara!x2 Ten Spoilers.

 **Summary** : She has never stopped loving him, persistently wants to be next to him, even if nothing can come out of it.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : As mentioned in the summary, this has spoilers from Durarara!x2 Ten. For those who haven't watched the season, do reconsider before reading. I also didn't use the Light Novels because it was easier to use the anime version.

Anyway, thank you for reading. It may have grammar mistakes, but this is honestly my best, for now.

Enjoy~

* * *

For much of her early days, men were everywhere.

She has seen all kinds of men, from the big and bulky to the skinny and lame. She has also run into the extremely perverted down to the rowdy. There's few kinds of men she hasn't had the luxury (and sometimes misfortune) of encountering. The same goes for women. But what makes her reminiscence about her past experience is the encounter with one man, about her age, who she met in high school.

He was very much unlike any other. Smart, handsome, charismatic, these qualities could be found in others, but a thing he had she'd never seen before, was a great deal of charm.

Mikage's life consisted of training constantly. Things like make up and fancy dresses never crossed her mind nor her bedroom. So it's no wonder both in personality and appearance Mikage takes after men. In a way, becoming anything close to an ordinary lady was a distant and impossible future.

Until she met that person.

He became everything to her. From the moment she laid her eyes on him, he clawed out her heart and reawaken some of the feminine parts in her, made her know what it's like to blush, to giggle, and to fantasize about love.

Yet he was so mysterious.

Her desire to discover him however, cost her her education.

As much as a person who dares to cause this is worth a beating or ten, Mikage, at times, finds herself forgiving him. The sleazy man she met while she jogged to middle school, _he_ , she will never forgive. No matter the acts of other men, Mikage continues to find this person utterly forgivable.

She hasn't made this clear, at all obvious, but deep in her heart she feels like her love for him is still burning, still as fresh and as real as the day when they first met...since the day she first saw him.

Even now, years after the horror he brought upon her, she continues to blush when thinking about good times, the ones spent with him.

They've never been intimate, but at the same time, she can't help but want to, someday.

By now, she's realized that this person is most likely one of the nastiest of his gender, of the human race even. His lack of concern for others - even his own sisters - puts him far low in the list of good-natured men, or suitable boyfriends. Her brothers never wait to tell her this, reaffirm their teachings in being careful around men.

They're being protective, because they care, that she understands.

Still, Mikage, especially when alone, and especially in her room, gets this feeling that she will never ever find a better man, not when her heart has stuck with this person through thick and thin. He could probably slaughter her entire family and she'd still feel something for him.

Like a shining light amidst the darkness which are the other evil men, Mikage is drawn to him.

As if she were a moth.

* * *

"What are you doing with that, Mikage-chan?"

It's silly, really, how on the anniversary of her being kicked out of school, she ends up stalking Izaya through interrogation and some bribery with his sisters and winds up on a bench, in an empty park, late at night, under a lamppost, with a stolen bottle of liquor.

And even though she was certain Izaya couldn't see her, he found her moments after she knocked a bunch of guys down, all sent to tackle him to the ground.

He had chosen to tease a really powerful man, one with connections.

Connections which she left bloodied near the sidewalk.

After securing Izaya's safety, and giving his victim a reason to wet himself, thinking he'd been left by his underlings at the mercy of Orihara Izaya, Mikage made a run for it, but not before snatching the bottle one of them had in hand, probably to use upon Izaya's head.

Actually, it's uncertain if Izaya knows what she did. He doesn't appear to have arrived in the same direction she ran from to get here. She went to where the underlings were hiding, and that was nearly a block away from where Izaya was to meet his client.

She saved him, saved the bastard's life, and reacted by running away and getting herself drunk.

The first thing the other has to say, is what she is doing.

After what just happened, after a full day of becoming enamored in the idea of being with Izaya on the same level, than simply another human being below his line of vision, Mikage has no clue what's gotten into her.

It's like she was dead drunk from the moment she woke up.

The smile-adorned look on Izaya's face, gives off little of what he knows, and merely hints that he is amused by her, again.

Sadly, his amusement in people never lasts long.

Not as long as she hoped.

"Don't know."

She answers, her voice low and partly due to the way she's hanging her head with her back hunched forward. It's a really pitiful sight for anyone to see, especially to those who know whose daughter she is, and what's she been doing for a living.

"Really now..."

Instead of pointing out the obvious, on how run down she looks despite wearing her normal clothes, Izaya begins ranting on about how she should behave to avoid looking like this. Not really an insult but not much of a compliment either. Mikage pays little attention to the words coming out from his mouth, and after a brief glance at her bottle, she looks up at him with fairly hazy eyes, and cuts into his speech.

"Want some?"

Izaya stops, looks at her with near-bulging eyes and for a minute it appears he's trying to get a better look at her, as if not sure this woman is the Mikage he's known for a long time. It takes just a minute for him to remove that serious expression and appear all happy, and, to her unexpressed joy, Izaya sits himself next to her.

Honestly, she's quite abashed by this rare display of attention.

"Sure."

It takes a moment for Mikage to process the words, to make sure she's not blushing, before she hands the informant the bottle and watches him drown a mouthful. She's tossed the lid to who-knows-where, and as if aware there is no longer a lid for this tasty (yet intoxicating) drink, Izaya continues to hold it and doesn't set it down.

The curve of the bench makes it impossible to set the poor thing down without spilling it.

Then, Mikage stares. After so long, she's finally right next to Izaya and very much able to just grab him, assuming he won't stab her but from this distance, with merely a hand's length away, she can almost feel his body heat, see every twitch and pull of muscle on his face and neck, his collar.

So beautiful he looks, under the full moon, under the lamppost, and right besides her.

Without thinking, she blurts out words.

"I missed you."

Izaya stops wobbling and turns to her in surprise, eyes back to being wide and this is likely a very genuine expression compared to the smiley faces he shows to the world. Mikage is too shocked and embarrassed to move, more afraid on what he will say or what he will _do_. She's tempted to cover her mouth or better yet scoot away, yet some part of her, her curiosity, wants to know if she will be rejected again.

Maybe he'll accept her, and use her again.

She can't tell.

It's terrifying, to wait.

This time, it takes nearly three minutes for Izaya to remove the shock but he doesn't resort to smiling immediately. He gives the bottle in his left hand a good look over, then he brings out his phone (thank god not his knife) and checks the time. Afterwards, he starts cackling.

Yes, cackling.

Like a green-skinned witch with a nasty heart.

Mikage, meanwhile, remains firm on her seat to Izaya's left as she awaits, almost impatiently, for a reaction.

 _Something_.

Once Izaya is finished, over with thinking about whatever humorous thing got him laughing in the first place, he turns to her with a very sweet smile. Gentle, and possibly...genuine.

It warms Mikage's heart to 100 degrees.

In a not-so tender voice one would expect during moments like these, Izaya says to her, asks...

"Let's say...you carry this to my apartment, and we'll discuss just what exactly do you miss about me."

Mikage is dreadfully tempted to nod, even if any sign of acceptance could mean the man just wants to use her. Maybe she doesn't mind, doesn't care to have her heart and body treated like something dispensable. As long as she can be near him, understand him more, she believes...whatever is to come...she can live with it.

Whatever he means by 'discussing it', surely doesn't mean just talking right?

It's hard to say, since Izaya often means two things when he says something.

The answer to this mystery, ceases being a mystery ten minutes later, when Mikage finds herself still in Ikebukuro, yet in an apartment apparently owned by Izaya.

* * *

The night at Izaya's apartment, one smaller and less luxurious as the one he uses as a working center, began with talk, just as Izaya said. They sat next to each other, this time on opposites sides, and with glasses to keep their fingers busy, they chatted about how they thought of one another during their first encounter.

Mikage learns Izaya didn't notice her the day she first laid eyes on him, though the day they first spoke to each other, Izaya was already in on looking up her background. She had caught his attention, between that period, a period which she spent mulling over how to approach the school's bad boy.

The conversation consisted of laughs and witty comebacks, no touching but no insulting either. Izaya hardly veered from the topic at hand, and whenever he did, Mikage would steal him back with words that stung so badly, it made him pout and unable to hide the pain. Again, there are no insults, just the truth, something Izaya spends most of his days handling but not quite when it comes to himself.

Izaya ended up calling Mikage extremely observant.

He also said she was helpful.

When she wondered why, he admitted to knowing she had rescued him, saw her from the corner of his eye when she took down the first underling.

This left the woman blushing red.

Izaya, highly amused over the very girly expression, congratulates her with a peck...to the cheek.

"Why did you-"

"I have every intention, of thanking you." He then looks at the bottle now completely empty. "Thank this for my kindness."

Mikage's blush subsides, but her smile widens greatly.

* * *

The manly side of Mikage, or whatever is left of it after a great deal of intoxication, warns her not to let the man explore her any further. Mikage, of course, with her mind all hazed and her body burning from pleasure, complies to her partner's every wish and lets him break through her last line of defense.

Izaya's smooth hand trails up her stomach and slides under her top, before pulling it high, revealing a part of her not seen by any man. If he wasn't as drunk as she, he would have commented on how her chest was by no means flat.

It had the beautiful shape of any ordinary woman.

But tonight, she was no ordinary woman to him, and Izaya was going to prove that.

He pushes himself deeper, opens her up more to his experienced organ. He wants her to feel good, better than any partner of his prior. He wants to _thank_ her with all he's got to give. Mikage, although never told this, can feel it in the gentle ways he's been caressing her. He hasn't been too rough, too gentle, hasn't teased her too much and hasn't neglected her either.

They've somehow made it to the double bed, a big one that is, but only the center is given attention as their bodies become one, tightly held together with neither focused enough to stare into each other's eyes.

One could call this romantic, others could argue, but in Mikage's mind, this is the best thank you she's ever received.

"Ahh!"

Mikage gasps loudly when Izaya hits her where it's most sensitive. _God_ , this feels so heavenly. Despite the sweat and the heat and the fact that she can hardly control her own body, she's enjoying this very much.

Izaya again trails kisses down her cheek to her collarbone, before bringing one hand to grope her breast. This only boosts the level of pleasure already making Mikage feel like she's going crazy. A few more deep thrusts, and Mikage feels herself near her limit.

It causes tears to emerge.

Izaya sympathetically brushes them away, and only then Mikage turns her head and looks up at him, eyes open.

He still looks gorgeous.

In his eyes, she can see sorrow. Maybe he's being very open to her, 100%, but like her, he knows this must end and the two of them will only destroy each other thanks to the lives they've chosen. One night stands will not do, for should this continue, someone will definitely catch on.

And Izaya definitely can't have that.

He can't let her be used against him.

"Shhh, calm down, Mikage-chan."

Mikage nods, though her lips quiver and Izaya knows better than to cover it with the palm of his hand.

"I promise I won't hurt you, from now on."

After one sniffle, Mikage responds.

"Likewise."

In that instant, their lips connect, mouths open and tongues meet. It's not their first kiss, they had that as they stumbled onto the bed, practically making out like wild college students. In that instant also, Izaya lets go and fills her up.

It shall be their last time...together.

* * *

"...I mean, you have no problem sauntering past my dojo, as if you've forgotten what you did to my precious sister, right?"

Eijiro questions in a deep groan before lashing out at the only other man on the streets with him. Twin sisters watch rather baffled as their beloved teacher throws fists at the other without a shred of hesitation, his eyes burning with hunger...a hunger for revenge.

In the meantime, the one dodging the concrete-damaging blows, is asking back the reason for such an accusation.

"This is a public street in broad daylight. And anyway, I don't recall ever defiling Mikage-chan..."

He probably intends to say more as giant fists keep wanting to crack open his skull, but a low, angry voice cuts in.

"It's not a matter of whether or not you ravaged Mikage! Thanks to your slick talk, she ended up dropping out of high school! You haven't forgotten that, have you!?"

Having heard enough, from the moment the big guy left a crater in the wall, and knowing he'll likely end up hurting the other, Mikage rushes to that location at lightning speed, and slows down only to give a nice, sharp blow to the top of the loud mouth's head.

All eyes quickly turn to her, big and wide but Mikage keeps her own pair on her brother, Eijiro.

Deep down, she feels pain. As she blurts out insults at her undignified older brother, she knows that the man she continues to long for is sending her a glance before quietly sneaking off. It is the fact that he's leaving her behind that makes her feel pain, not the indifference or lack of words.

She knows, how back then, the two of them were too drunk to worry about consequences, to worry about the stabbing feeling at least one would get should they pretend they never consummated their love; Mikage's love, to be precise. Shortly after their parting, Izaya turned back to being the Izaya she's always known.

Calm, collected, sadistic, and cruel.

It's like...he never touched her with utmost tenderness and affection, and in a way, Mikage is glad for that. Nothing could truly come from their union, only more pain. Still, it doesn't stop her from joining his crew when he begins requesting for help.

She continues to want to be near him, even if it doesn't stop her from loving him.

She's willing to give her life, just to be close.

To be near.

Forever.

* * *

 **Owari**


End file.
